sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
