her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
