i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
