i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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