This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
