I'm jealous of your bromance
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
