Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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