he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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