I will die if light touches me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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