ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
