Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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