I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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