But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
