We won't sleep together?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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