apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
