I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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