i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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