Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
