If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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