Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
