It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
