I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
