Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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