sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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