About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
