He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
