Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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