And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
