I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
