When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
