just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
