just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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