I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
