3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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