John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
