D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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