1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
