I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
