Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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