i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
