a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
