I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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