i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
