i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
