its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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