It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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