Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
