My hand turned me down
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
