I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm having to shit out rocks
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
