Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
