so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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