Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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