he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
