Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
