if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I pour the whiskey from now on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
