Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
