Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
