Please, let me fuck your mom
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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